Oh Dog
Who pooped upon our lawn,
A curse be on your master's spawn.
Did you mean to so oppress us
With your canine turds enormous?

I think that I shall never see
Our grass as pretty as it could be;
The lawn is mostly dark and green,
Except where, Dog, you been a-pee'n.

Oh Dog, why can't you be like Cat,
Sleep all day long, bury your scat?
Why can't you sing like a canary?
Why do you make the sofa hairy?

Oh Dog, before you start my face a-kissin'
What was your long pink tongue a-lickin'?
You nose is damp with cold wet mucus;
Were you just sniffing some doggy's tuchus?

Our politics are strictly canine,
The Party kennels are as-inine;
They promise voters kibble treats,
Give T-bone steaks to the elites.

Is Donald Trump just an old pooch;
Can't learn new tricks and slightly louche?
He's not some friendly Irish Setter;
More like a snarling Pit Bull Shitter.

Oh Harris, you're a dog show Poodle;
Well groomed, well trained, but you've no noodle.
You're scripted by the Party hacks
And Plutocrats who run your pack.

Oh Israel! 
You make everyone's life miserable.
You seek a Jewish State, you whine;
While genociding Palestine.

Like a mad dog you bark and bite,
To drag the Yanks into your fight.
You froth and howl and snarl a lot,
Have you had your rabies shot?

Oh Dog Zelensky off the leash;
You need be muzzled to make peace.
Were you missing half your brain,
To invite NATO to Ukraine?

There are Dogs in London and D.C.
Whose tails will wag most gleefully;
When Rome, Berlin, 
Dublin, Moscow, 
Warsaw, New York, 
Kiev and Denver,
Seattle, Hong Kong and Paree,
All get nuked in World War III.

These Dogs who bark the propaganda,
Now dog, as well, the Chinese Panda;
These purebred Dogs can't stand the shame
Of socialists winning their capitalist game.

All you Hounds who rule the Earth,
You Alpha Dogs of enormous worth,
Stop pissing on the whole world's lawn,
You piss us off and you're doggone!

So when you sniff other dogs' butts,
Remember: we're all of us just mongrel mutts;
You're not so special, USA,
With others you must learn to play.

# # # # #

The Space Raven

Not By Edgar Allan Poe

Once upon a midnight dreary, while they pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious defect of engineering lore—
While Butch and Suni were lightly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at their spacecraft's entry door.

“Is this some visitor,” Suni muttered, “tapping at our spacecraft's door?"

"'Tis just the wind," said Boeing, "nothing more."

"There is no wind here," answered Butch, 
"Nor weather be it foul or fair,
We planned to drop in just for lunch,
And now we're stuck up here eight months!! 
It's really kind of cramped up here,
The foul and dirty stinky air, cramped and smelly, stagnant air,
Smells like a week old gym sock pair!
Can you have the Russian Soyuz
Bring us all clean underwear?
And now this constant rapping, tapping!
It drives me nuts," Butch said while pacing up and down the floor, up and down the floor.

"It drives me nuts! This constant rapping, rapping, rapping at our door!"

"Perhaps," said Houston Space Control, "’tis, perhaps, some visitor 
entreating entrance at your capsule door—
Some late visitor entreating entrance at your space ship door;—
Could it be Uber Eats delivering pizza to your door?
That it must be, and nothing more." 
 
Presently their souls grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
They spoke to what or who was rapping at their door.

“Sir,” said Suni, “or It or Madam, truly your forgiveness we implore;
But the fact is we were napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at Starliner's door,
That we scarce were sure we heard you”—here she threw open the door...

... Darkness there and nothing more!

Deep into that darkness peering, long they stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before:

Are we stuck here evermore?

But the silence was unbroken, and Boeing engineers had not spoken,
And the only words there spoken were Butch and Suni's whispered words, “Can we get home?”
This they whispered, and the voice of NASA murmured back the words, “no more”—

Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the capsule turning, curiosity within them burning,
Butch and Suni heard again a tapping somewhat louder than before.

 “Surely,” Butch said soft to Suni, “surely that is something at our window lattice;"

They opened then a window shutter, when, with many a flit and flutter,
In there stepped a stately Ox, a Musky Ox, an Elon Musk of Space-X yore;
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lordly order, perched above Starliner's door—
Perched upon a bust of Boeing just above their chamber door—
Perched, and smiled, and said nothing more.

Then this Space-X ox beguiled their sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance he wore.
They asked him: are there roads or airports someplace near,
A Russian space ship close, a taxi stand, where Butch and Suni 
Could catch or thumb a ride
Right out of here?

Quoth the Musk Ox “Nevermore.”

Much they marveled this ungainly ox to hear discourse so plainly,
Though his answer little meaning—little relevancy bore;
But they could not help agreeing that no astronautical being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing Elon at their door—
Who with these words said “Leave with me next year; or leave without me nevermore.”

And then as quickly as he came, Elon left and gently closed the door.
`
Then Chuck and Suni called up NASA, called their friends at Boeing and NASA,
For their future to implore.

"Will we know Christmas on the Earth? Might we be home January 1st?
Will we get to take a shower before the start of April Showers?

Will Spring training come and go; will the summer long be o'er,
Before we ever leave this stinky station, this stinky station, floating in space, eating C-rations?

Are there non-Musk options to explore, Space to explore?

Will Starliner fly up once more? Will Boeing launch it evermore?
 
Can Boeing reach the ISS, the cramped and crowded ISS;
Can Boeing fly there evermore without an engineering mess?

Will Starliner regain its luster, and fly again, and fly again, 
Without those bleeping gremlin clusters,
Without leaking gas or flakey thrusters?

Tell us, Boeing, we implore!"

Quoth NASA's mavens: 

"Nevermore."

I.

Tomorrow's House today!

AI 
Keeps an eye 
On your home.  
You enter a room and it turns on the lights.  
You exit the room and it turns off the lights.  
It sees when you're there,
It hears when you cough.
 It turns up the music and it turns music off. 
     All by itself.
The House is so smart.
Life once was so hard.

II.

The House knows where you are before you even know it.
     It envelopes, protects you, wraps you in comfort; 
     It lulls you to sleep.
     It watches you sleep.
Like a mother, a lover, a friend and protector.

The pantry alarms when the bread has gone stale. 
The fridge sends you a note when the milk's out of date. 
     Buy milk, says the House. 
     Buy bread!  
     Throw out the old tuna! 
     The cheese has turned blue!  
     Time to shop, says the fridge!
     Time to restock on food!  
The House orders what you don't know you need.  
The microwave cooks your routine daily feed.
The coffee pot perks at six in the morning. 
     Java 
     With foam 
     Just like a barista.
The e-car you parked is now fully charged.  	
The House rings a bell: 
     Time to go! 
     Time for work! 
     Time to earn a few bucks!  
     Shoulder up to the wheel even if your job sucks.
You get in the car and the car drives itself.
 It knows where you're going  
Even if you don't.

III.

The House alarm's set,
The doors are secure.
No keys are needed for a house with AI. 
Just walk past the screen. 
The House looks in your eye: 
     Your iris is scanned, 
     Your fingers inspected, 
     Your ID's in the Cloud; 
     You are safe and protected 
In the House that knows you 
     And watches
     And keeps track of who's home.  
Did you come home last night?  
Did you come home alone?

IV.

The House knows what you've done and it knows when you did it.  
It logs what you like and it knows why you like it. 
The House keeps a log of each kilowatt hour,
A smart meter tracks your electrical power.  
     It keeps all your records.  
     It pays all your bills. 
     It records all expenses.
     It knows what you own.
     It helps you keep fit.
     Copies what you transmit.
     It knows what needs mending.
     It knows what you're spending.
It Packages,
Files,
And transmits all your data
To other Big Houses that store it for later.
They know what you've done with a frown or a smile.  
     The Houses never forget.  
     They never forget.  
     They never forget. 
     You can forget all about it,
     There's a forever file.

V.

Your House knows your voice, obeys your commands.
     Make the room brighter, darker, warmer, or cooler?   
     Clean the air!  
     Prepare dinner?
     Check for texts?  
     Check the scores on Sports Center?
  
You speak, it obeys, and it always remembers.  
     Every word that you say,
     Every person you meet,
     Every website you visit,
     Every joke that you made, 
     Every slip of the tongue, 
     Everywhere that you went,
     Every message you've sent; 
     Every slight innuendo, 
    When you might have dissented or seemed  less contented, 
The House makes a note.
For years and forever;
It will always remember. 

VI.	  

Are you happy or sad, 
Excited or mad?  
The house knows it all. 
The latest in business or markets on Wall Street.  
Stocks to buy, stocks to sell, 
What the experts are saying.
 
Want the news of the day?  
It's got 
     New news, 
     Old news, 
     Good news, 
     Funny news.  
     Edited, digested, filtered and packaged.  
     Just for you it's curated,
Purely and safely; 
Content vaccinated.
You will know just the news that the House thinks you should.

It's all for the best.
You can skip all the rest.
It's a very smart house.
Life once was quite hard;
Now it's very convenient.
It's a very smart house.
A very smart house. 
You just can't live without it.

* * *

Two Spoons met in a bowl of borscht,
and the mood was tense.
Their eyes locked passionately in love.
Desire burned their every sense.

Hence,
They introduced themselves to one another.
He said: "Hello, I'm Clarence."
She replied: "And I'm Miss Prudence."
Two Spoons met in a bowl of borscht;
With the amorous details, we will modestly dispense.

Two Spoons met in a bowl of borscht
and created quite a stir.
The forks found their morals most shocking
and the butter knives began to demur.
To be sure,
They could never love another:
She was caught by his lure
And he was caught by her.
Two Spoons met in a bowl of borscht:
The proceedings we must ashamedly censure.

Two Spoons met in a bowl of borscht;
They spooned as long as they were able.
Alas, they spooned out all the soup,
and would soon be on the table.
Thus in the middle
of caressing one another,
They began sorrowfully to weep and snivel.
They exchanged one final heartfelt nibble.
Two Spoons met in a bowl of borscht.
They kissed in parting and whispered:
"Adieu, farewell, I'll see you ladle."

***
Writer's gloss: Yes, so it's a silly poem with cheap alliteration leading up to an awful pun. There will be no critics' awards for this nonsense. Still. Some of the best known poets had their light-hearted works.

   Two distant lovers meet,

Once remote, but now

their hearts expectant beat,

   

   Six feet apart, they see the love in both their eyes,

But, she wonders, does that mask mask some surprise?


   She thinks...

He seems romantic and original,

But what if he's a wanted criminal?

Does he have a cute proboscis,

Or something pachyderm and monstrous?

Let me see your face!


   Please remove your mask!

Dear, it's not too much to ask.

Is your chin strong, shaved and dimpled,

Bearded, weak or badly pimpled?


   Let me see your face!

I see the color of your irises,

But at some risk of catching viruses;

Are you handsome? I must know!

Are you a Rocky Horror Show?

Will I want to kiss your lips

If green saliva from them drips?

Let me see your face!


   He thinks...

Her cheeks must be like bonbons,

Which excites my male hormones;

Does she resemble Mona Lisa?

Is her skin like day old pizza?

Let me see your face!


   Please remove your mask!

Dear, it's not too much to ask.

My love might be precocious,

But do you have bad halitosis?

Let me see your face!


   She thinks...

He knows the courtship shtick,

But would his visage make me sick?

Is his smile quite spectacular?

Has he got fangs like Count Dracula's?

Let me see your face!


   Please remove your mask!

Dear, it's not too much to ask.

Though there's a twinkle in your eyes,

Will you win a Darwin prize?

Let me see your face!


   He thinks...

Will her kiss taste sweet as wine

If she looks like Frankenstein?

Is her pucker red and luscious?

Or will it leave me feeling nauseous?

Please remove your mask!


   Dear, it's not too much to ask.

I know it's rather crude,

But I'm a cave man kind of dude;

Let me see your face!


   She thinks...

I've seen your tiny image Zoomed,

But in the flesh, might we be doomed?

Below your philtrum, what's unseen?

Do you practice dental hygiene?

Please lift your mask!


   Dear, it's not too much to ask.

I only want a peek,

I promise not to shriek.

Let me see your face!


   He thinks,

I need to see what's underneath,

Is she missing her front teeth?

Does she have a winsome smile

Or a grin that's crocodile?

Will I feel just as amorous

If her gums are blue and gangrenous?

Let me see her face!


   Would you please remove your mask?

Dear, it's not too hard a task.

Are you cute and Jan Vermeer-ish?

Or Boschian nightmarish?

Are your nose and mouth symmetrical?

Picassoesque?

Kaleidoscopical?

Let me see your face!


   Two distant lovers meet,

Once remote, but now

their hearts expectant beat.


   Six feet apart, they share no hugs,

Can't even smooch through veiled mugs.

Yet eyes alone do have allure,

Even when the rest's obscure.


   Two distant lovers meet,

Once remote, but now

their hearts expectant beat.


   Alas, for Love there's no vaccine,

And doctors say no cure's foreseen.

A passion borne of just a gaze,

Might just be proof love's not a phase.


   So, damn it all, who needs to see your face?